Relationships

Every day you meet and interact with new people while going about your daily life, yet few of these people will make a lasting impression. Have you ever wondered what draws you to these special few? It is not a mystery. Based on same-culture research, relational foundation factors include physical attractiveness, similarity, complementarity, proximity, reciprocal liking, and resources. Newer interculturally focused research being done specifically on intercultural friendship and romantic relationships has generated some differences in relational foundations. Both will be explored.

Same Culture Generated Findings on Relational Foundations

It's not a secret that many people feel drawn to those that they perceive as physically attractive, but we also broaden our idea of attractiveness. Yes, attractiveness can be those stunningly beautiful or stunningly handsome people, but attractiveness can also be what is familiar to us. Most of us do find physical beauty attractive, but we tend to form long-term romantic relationships with people we judge as similar to ourselves in physical attractiveness.

You have probably heard the common saying, "birds of a feather flock together". This is the same for relationships. Scientific evidence suggests that we are attracted to those we perceive as similar to ourselves. One explanation for this is that people we view as similar to ourselves are less likely to cause uncertainty. They seem easier to predict, and we feel more comfortable with them. Similarity is more than physical attractiveness through, it means sharing personalities, values, and preferences.

Another common saying that you have probably heard is that "opposites attract". Complementarity has been debated for a long time, and so far, the research is inconclusive. Based on the 1950s research of sociologist Robert Winch, we would say that we are naturally attracted to people who are different from ourselves, and therefore, somewhat exciting (www.personalitypage.com). It was believed to be a natural quest for completion.

Unfortunately, more current research from Markey & Markey found the opposite. On the job or with friends, we are not particularly interested in dealing with people who are unlike ourselves. Generally, we are most interested in dealing with people who are like ourselves and don't display a lot of patience or motivation for dealing with our opposites.

The simple fact of proximity, or often being around each other, exerts far more impact on relationships than generally acknowledged. The idea is that you are more likely to feel attracted to people with whom you have frequent contact with and are less attracted to those with whom you rarely interact.

Another often overlooked relational foundation is reciprocal liking. The idea is quite simple, we tend to be attracted to people who are attracted to us. Studies examining stories about "falling in love" have found that reciprocal liking is the most commonly mentioned factor leading to love.

And lastly, the final relational foundation is resources. Resources include such qualities as sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, supportiveness, and more. The idea is that you will feel drawn to people that you see as offering benefits (things that you want) with few associated costs (things demanded from you in return). In other words, you're attracted to people who can give you what you want and who offer better rewards than others.

Interculturally Focused Research Findings on Relational Foundations

The relational foundations discussed above are still valid and of value in our understanding of intercultural relational foundations. In fact, the various foundations listed above is always the starting point of the interculturally focused research. It's just that the developmental process of intercultural friendships and romantic relationships contain some unique elements. Whereas perceived similarity is a key factor in relationship initiation, "difference" is a defining characteristic of an intercultural relationship. Although the partners probably share some similarities, they also have to negotiate these similarities across cultural differences. In other words, maybe both partners like music, but there is a negotiation as to whether house, techno pop, electro swing, and nu disco are all the same and if not, how do they compare from culture to culture.

Recent studies have focused on the conditions necessary for intercultural relationships to develop. Almost all of these studies have focused on international students at colleges and universities. Most of these studies have a small number of student samples. A finding from Australia indicates that a unique relational foundation includes interest in other cultures and empathy as important. Another finding included the creation of a shared identity as being a foundation. In some cases, previous intercultural experience, like studying abroad or living in a diverse place, may motivate someone to pursue intercultural relationships. There are also some findings that speculate that communication may function differently in the context of intercultural relationship development. For example, various cultures may have different conceptualizations of different types of relationships which can cause misunderstandings or making attempts at categorizing relationship patterns by culture a problem.